Showing posts with label The Gay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Gay. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Numbers



To prevent myself from writing a rambling, rage-filled rant about how much I hate America and politicians and never want to vote for anyone ever again, including the "fierce advocate" Obama (a post I have already written and prudently sat on before I "published"), I will instead write a small, personal and congratulatory (to myself) post.

I got a job yesterday! And I have to say it was a little bit serendipitous, but it also came about through some deliberate and assertive networking. Several months ago, upon first learning that we were going to be moving to Memphis, I emailed someone at the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center to see if they might have any recommendations for any places in Memphis that provide mental health services and were either GLBT friendly, or even specialized in GLBT issues. The man who responded was very nice and forwarded my email to probably 50 people in Memphis, several of whom wrote back to me. One of them was this guy, who wanted to know a little bit more about what I was looking for.

Long story short, we met up after I moved here and had a brief networking interview (well, about 45 minutes), where he got a little more information and said he had a few ideas of how he might be able to help me. Eventually he got back to me and asked me if I'd be willing to come back and meet the other 2 therapists that work there. I agreed, and they offered me a job.

It was a position that they had sort of been thinking about creating for a couple of years but hadn't really bothered. And then they met me and decided it would be "their loss" if they did not utilize me in some way. So I'm coming in preliminarily as an office manager of sorts, but they plan to begin training me in their modalities, and eventually I will get to start co-leading therapy groups and helping to co-facilitate their "intensives," which you can read all about here. I think this will be a very good fit for me. It seems the guy was really looking for someone to mentor, which is great, because I love to be mentored! He also just joined (I can't remember the exact name) the board of the Tennessee Strategic Planning Association for GLBT issues, or something like that. Basically a statewide mental health advocacy association for homos. They're having a big conference in November in Nashville he already said he wants to take me to. Which is super exciting!

So, you see kids, networking can really pay off. I guess especially in a city like Memphis that doesn't get a lot of young, educated people moving in. Mostly moving out. But I think this can be the start of a great relationship and a fantastic opportunity. I start tomorrow!

And speaking of relationships, Tom and I got engaged over the weekend! Also, I've been obsessed with this song for weeks now:

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

File Under: Duh

Guess what? Girls, both gay and straight, love gay porn.

And speaking of gender, plenty of lesbians identify with various forms of masculinity: Their own gender expression may be at the masculine end of the spectrum, or they may like to fantasize and play with gender and sex. Gay porn gives them a range of masculine desires to relate to or lust after. For those dykes who themselves identify as fag—or who like butch/butch, boi/boi, or transman/transman sex—they can see a hyper-masculine version of their own sex lives and/or fantasies performed on the small screen.

The phenomenon of straight women who love gay male porn has been documented and was discussed plenty when flocks of females gushed over Brokeback Mountain. When women came out of their fag-loving closet, it illustrated the flip side of a common theory: Plenty of straight men love girl/girl porn because they want to see lots of who they lust after. The same is true for het women: They like to look at hot naked men fucking, and it doesn't really matter that they're fucking each other. I think it may also be true that while pornos full of romance and mood lighting are marketed to women, some prefer a sweaty, get-right-down-to-it romp in the locker room any day. Wired.com columnist Regina Lynn, author of Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier, writes that it's not always about identifying with someone in a scene: "For me, gay porn has always been arousing because of its masculinity. The strength and power, plus the double dose of raw male drive and sexuality, add up to more than the sum of their parts."

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Take This Ball and Chain

One of my coworkers, who goes by the name Miss Lauren Marie, and is the singer for a country/rockabilly-type band, told me the other day that she just booked a West Coast tour opening up for Mike Ness.



Anyone who knows me at all knows that I used to in love with Mike Ness! He was my first post-teeny-bopper crush (George Michael was really my first crush ever), and I got really into Social Distortion in 9th grade, when all I listened to was showtunes. And Social D.



For years afterward, I got so hot for guys with tattoos. Bonus points if they also wore a lot of eyeliner and had bad teeth or a gravelly voice. I started smoking in college because I wanted to ruin my voice and make it sound like Kurt Cobain.

I saw Social D. live at least 3 times in high school and college (or maybe it was just college), and decided I, too, someday wanted tattoo sleeves.

Yes. Sleeves. On me.

After Mike Ness my big crush was Tim Armstrong of Rancid.



Oh, boy, I had it bad for him. Skinny, painted-on pants, the sinewy guitar-playing arms, the attitude, the voice. I also held on to the delusion for years that I was punk rock.

To this day, I still have a soft spot in my heart for the ugly, tattooed, skinny, punk rock boys who smoke too much. Or stocky ones (a la Ness). I met him once, after a show in Dallas, and all I could mutter was that he was awesome. He said "Thank you." I've never been very graceful around celebrities. Have I ever told my story about going backstage after an Imperial Teen show and making a complete idiot out of myself? I haven't? Well, there's a reason for that.

So while I got excited for my co-worker because it's kind of a break for her, I only fondly remembered my past loves. I told her to tell Mike Ness that it was he who was my first love and that in 9th grade I stole my brother's copy of Social Distortion and listened to nothing but that and Andrew Lloyd Webber soundtracks for, like, a year. But I eventually got all the records, and even bought that atrocious documentary Another State of Mind (which I still have).

I'm sure she won't remember to tell him, but maybe she will and he'll find it amusing. That's all I hope.

Social Distortion - Social Distortion

Thursday, February 28, 2008

What Hillary Clinton would never, ever do -

- especially in such a hotly contested debate: buy ad time in major gay and lesbian newspapers across Ohio and Texas, making a promise to never compromise on gay right, urge the federal government to overturn the insidious Defense of Marriage Act, and promise to try to overturn "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Hillary simply doesn't have the balls.

I'm glad Barack does.

This is the ad, and following that, an open letter to the gay community from the Obama campaign.



Open Letter from Barack Obama to the LGBT community

I'm running for President to build an America that lives up to our founding promise of equality for all – a promise that extends to our gay brothers and sisters. It's wrong to have millions of Americans living as second-class citizens in this nation. And I ask for your support in this election so that together we can bring about real change for all LGBT Americans.

Equality is a moral imperative. That's why throughout my career, I have fought to eliminate discrimination against LGBT Americans. In Illinois, I co-sponsored a fully inclusive bill that prohibited discrimination on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity, extending protection to the workplace, housing, and places of public accommodation. In the U.S. Senate, I have co-sponsored bills that would equalize tax treatment for same-sex couples and provide benefits to domestic partners of federal employees. And as president, I will place the weight of my administration behind the enactment of the Matthew Shepard Act to outlaw hate crimes and a fully inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act to outlaw workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws. I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples — whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage. Unlike Senator Clinton, I support the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – a position I have held since before arriving in the U.S. Senate. While some say we should repeal only part of the law, I believe we should get rid of that statute altogether. Federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does. I have also called for us to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and I have worked to improve the Uniting American Families Act so we can afford same-sex couples the same rights and obligations as married couples in our immigration system.

The next president must also address the HIV/AIDS epidemic. When it comes to prevention, we do not have to choose between values and science. While abstinence education should be part of any strategy, we also need to use common sense. We should have age-appropriate sex education that includes information about contraception. We should pass the JUSTICE Act to combat infection within our prison population. And we should lift the federal ban on needle exchange, which could dramatically reduce rates of infection among drug users. In addition, local governments can protect public health by distributing contraceptives.

We also need a president who's willing to confront the stigma – too often tied to homophobia – that continues to surround HIV/AIDS. I confronted this stigma directly in a speech to evangelicals at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church, and will continue to speak out as president. That is where I stand on the major issues of the day. But having the right positions on the issues is only half the battle. The other half is to win broad support for those positions. And winning broad support will require stepping outside our comfort zone. If we want to repeal DOMA, repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and implement fully inclusive laws outlawing hate crimes and discrimination in the workplace, we need to bring the message of LGBT equality to skeptical audiences as well as friendly ones – and that's what I've done throughout my career. I brought this message of inclusiveness to all of America in my keynote address at the 2004 Democratic convention. I talked about the need to fight homophobia when I announced my candidacy for President, and I have been talking about LGBT equality to a number of groups during this campaign – from local LGBT activists to rural farmers to parishioners at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, where Dr. Martin Luther King once preached.

Just as important, I have been listening to what all Americans have to say. I will never compromise on my commitment to equal rights for all LGBT Americans. But neither will I close my ears to the voices of those who still need to be convinced. That is the work we must do to move forward together. It is difficult. It is challenging. And it is necessary.

Americans are yearning for leadership that can empower us to reach for what we know is possible. I believe that we can achieve the goal of full equality for the millions of LGBT people in this country. To do that, we need leadership that can appeal to the best parts of the human spirit. Join with me, and I will provide that leadership. Together, we will achieve real equality for all Americans, gay and straight alike.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I may not be good at very much, but one thing I can do is write.

I turned in the first 16 pages of my thesis last week and got them back last night. I was really scared to look at my grade; this paper is notoriously graded very hard and the school wants you to be able to use it for grad school, so they put a lot of pressure on you to write a good one.

Well, I got a 94, which according to my professor, is quite good, as it's pretty rare to even reward on A on this draft of the paper to begin with. So I was quite pleased, and my professor had a lot of good things to say.

Lucky for you, if you want to read the paper, you can do so now! This is the Intro, Background, and the presentation of the 2 sides to the controversy. Before the paper is done, I will a critical analysis of both arguments, interviews, and a moral reasoning argument to support my ultimate opinion on the matter.

My paper is on conversion therapy, or, "ex-gay" reparative therapy. Enjoy!

...

In 1948, Alfred Kinsey estimated that at least 10% of the male population was exclusively homosexual for at least three years of their adult lives (qtd. in Haldeman 221). While no data of that sort exists today, many people estimate that number is probably still accurate, or, if anything, a little low. Gay rights and visibility have increased tremendously just in the last twenty years, and societal acceptance is at a level never seen before. Even among evangelical Christians, typically the most socially conservative group of people in the nation, 80% of people under 30 say that “anti-homosexual” describes Christianity, and that 76% oppose gay marriage, as opposed to 81% of those over 30 (Barna).

In 2004, however, in one day, over eleven states voted to constitutionally ban same-sex marriage (Reid), and hate crimes against gay and lesbian individuals actually increased between 2005 and 2006 (FBI). And despite marriage or a civil-union equivalent being legal in ten states, the United States is still a very divided country when it comes to gay and lesbian individuals.

Conversion therapy, as we know it today, is the attempt, generally through psychoanalysis, to convert homosexually identified individuals, both male and female, into heterosexually identified individuals (Johnston and Jenkins 62). It is also known as ex-gay reparative therapy (Throckmorton 4), and, sometimes, as “transformational ministry” (American Psychological Association 3). It is a process that has existed since roughly the end of the 19th century, when the term “homosexual” was first coined by Hungarian writer Karl Maria Kerbeny, ironically, in a pamphlet arguing for the civil rights of those who engaged in homosexual acts (Murphy 501). The primary crux for the defense of conversion therapy, particularly today, is that homosexuality is a freely chosen personality quirk, subject to the whim of suggestion or a disordered condition (Haldeman 260). Individuals may not realize that they have chosen it, arising as it does, so the suggestion goes, from a form of arrested psychosexual development (Haldeman 260). Many proponents of conversion therapy attribute this arrested development to an incomplete bond with the appropriate same-sex parent, and seek out relationships with individuals of the same gender in an attempt to recreate and stabilize that broken, or incomplete, bond (Haldeman 260). The underlying factor in this pronouncement is that the root causes of homosexuality are known, and that it is an undesirable “condition” or state in which to exist (Morrow and Beckstead 643). In conversion therapy, homosexuality is narrowly defined as little more than a series, or pattern, of behaviors, and rarely takes into account a client’s inner life, or chooses to blatantly disregard it (Haldeman 261). A number of individuals having completed conversion therapy reported continuing having homosexual fantasies, but not acting on them, thereby legitimately claiming a heterosexual identity (Haldeman 261). In theory, conversion therapy helps a client manage his or her homoerotic fantasies in order to live in, and maintain, a functioning heterosexual lifestyle (Haldeman 261). Barring an inability to control these fantasies or live heterosexually, celibacy is most often the recommended and desired outcome (Haldeman 224). At best, 38% of overall conversion therapy clients end up with “solid heterosexual shifts,” which also represent, typically, an adjustment in life, not a complete “metamorphosis” (Haldeman 223). Some of even this small number may be ambiguous, however, as further studies have shown that the greatest success came to those clients whose sexual lives and behavior already contained significant heteroerotic content, thus making them much more likely to be defined as bisexual as opposed to completely heterosexual (Haldeman 221). A commonly used metaphor is one of the drug abuser: after treatment, an ex-user may still sometimes crave drugs, but as long as he or she doesn’t actually use any, then the individual is still an “ex” drug user, despite the cravings (Beckstead 93).

That the medical and psychological establishment has not only provided no intrinsic properties to identify homosexuality as a pathology, but has outright renounced the idea that it is any more than another diversity on the broad human spectrum of diversities, means little to those who practice and preach conversion therapies (Haldeman 225). The primary objections to conversion therapy rest on the fact that homosexuality has been judged not to be an illness, and that it reinforces a prejudiced view of homosexuality among individuals and society at large (Haldeman 225). In fact, leading conversion therapists have more often than not been rabid activists in courthouses across the country in arguing against any laws either decriminalizing sex between same-gendered people, or granting protections to gay and lesbian individuals (Shidlo and Schroeder 250-251). Most importantly, it is necessary to look at the motives of those providing conversion therapy, and the motives of those seeking it. 26% of the individuals entering conversion therapy do so at the behest of their therapist (Shidlo and Schroeder 252). Typically, these individuals seek treatment to help cope with feelings of depression, guilt and anxiety related to their sexual orientation, but are not explicitly looking to change that orientation (Shidlo and Schroeder 252). Many teenagers and young adults attending religious-based universities tell stories of being forced into conversion therapy or face expulsion or termination of financial aid (Shidlo and Schroeder 252). For that other 74%, however, many simply feel that a homosexual identity is incongruent with the lifestyle they wish to live, and it provides an unacceptable alternative to a spouse, family and church (Beckstead 89). Proponents of conversion therapy view it as just another choice in the plethora of self-determined choices individuals can now make through therapy or psychoanalysis.

In 1997, after two years of in-depth study, the American Psychological Association passed a resolution condemning the use of conversion therapy, due to the fear that clients may request such a therapy due to “societal ignorance and prejudice about same gender sexual orientation,” and “family or social coercion,” and that such therapies were misguided and damaging (qtd. in Throckmorton 3). The American Counseling Association followed suit in 1998, passing a similar resolution with a companion resolution supporting same-sex marriage (Throckmorton 3). But are the resolutions themselves misguided? Despite scant evidence of its efficacy, and its threat of even further damage upon already impressionable or sensitive clients, should the American Psychological Association continue its condemnation of conversion therapy, since many people do request it, and that some people claim to have benefited from it?

Practiced since the late 19-th century, conversion therapy has always been controversial, especially in doctors’ and therapists’ choices of methods. Treating homosexuality as a pathology to be done away with, some methods have been extreme, such as physical abuse, castration, male hormone treatments, and lobotomies (Murphy 513). Mostly, though, therapies have sought simply to create behavioral changes in an attempt to control or sublimate same-sex attraction (Murphy 502). Exercise and outdoor activities were frequently prescribed, as were physical activities (such as excessive bicycle riding) that could exhaust an individual and leave him no energy to pursue sexual liaisons (Murphy 502). Others suggested visiting brothels, or for a man to be locked away alone with a woman for a week or more in order for her to help the man discover the pleasures a woman and her body have to offer (Murphy 503). Still others, however, saw marriage as the key component missing in a young man’s life who was struggling with same-sex desires; a virtuous woman, as opposed to a prostitute, was the real solution (Murphy 503). In more contemporary circles, though, homosexuality is less likely to be treated as pathology than simply as a misguided lifestyle, and that conversion therapy is simply one more choice a client has in his or her treatment options (Gonsiorek, 2004).

The history of addressing conversion therapy has basically been divided into two main disciplines going all the way back to Freud – that of psychology and that of social work (Johnston and Jenkins, 2006). While the psychological field has had its share of both supporters of conversion therapy (those who argue that it is successful as well as ethical) and its opponents (those who argue that conversion therapy has no “empirical base of efficacy,” that it is impossible to change one’s sexual orientation, and the continued use of conversion therapy fosters further prejudice and discrimination in society), the social work field has remained largely quiet (Johnston and Jenkins, 2006). Social work has a long history of ambivalence towards gay and lesbian individuals, and according to Johnston and Jenkins, most social workers have been socialized in a “heterosexist society” (2006).

Now provided almost entirely by religious organizations, conversion therapy often promotes a loss of faith as the only alternative to their particular theology (Gonsiorek, 2004). If living fully, and learning to integrate all aspects of one’s personality into a healthy lifestyle is the ultimate goal of therapy and psychoanalysis, isn’t conversion therapy really doing more harm than good, even among clients who request it (Haldeman 263)?

Until the early 1980’s, conversion therapy was primarily a quiet, underground phenomenon, practiced behind closed doors and away from prying eyes and ears. Elizabeth Moberly, a British theologian, is largely responsible for the resurgence of what she dubbed “reparative” therapy by starting up the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), which offered a “new ray of hope” for curing homosexuality (Johnston and Jenkins, 2006). To date, NARTH is the only professional mental health organization in the world that preaches homosexuality as a disorder and that change is possible through pure self-determination (Johnston and Jenkins, 2006).

Exodus International, an umbrella organization of multiple ex-gay ministries, including Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (P-FOX), and Love in Action, first came to major public prominence in the late 1990’s when they ran full-page ads for a full week in national newspapers such as The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, The Washington Post, and The Washington Times (Beckstead 91-92). These ads were sponsored by over 18 religiously conservative organizations like the Christian Coalition and Focus on the Family, and promoted homosexuality as a “disorder” and that a “homosexual lifestyle” was a lie and tantamount to imprisonment and spiritual death (Beckstead 92).

But why, opponents of conversion therapy argue, must individuals choose either to be “out” as a gay or lesbian, or be religious (Miville and Ferguson, 2004)? According to psychoanalytic theory, a gay or lesbian individual is considered “healthy” if he or she is able to renounce stigmatized notions and stereotypes of a gay or lesbian lifestyle, and live a full and fulfilling life (Miville and Ferguson, 2004). But if a person is uncomfortable with their same-sex attraction, or finds it incompatible with their religious lifestyle, can they still be mentally healthy by actively choosing to renounce their same-sex attracted identity (Miville and Ferguson, 2004)? Proponents of conversion therapy view the American Psychological Association’s condemnation as an “attempt to limit the choice of gays and lesbians who want to change” and that it disregards a therapist’s obligation to “respect the dignity and wishes of all clients” (Schroeder and Shidlo 132).

In the following two sections, I will more closely examine each sides’ arguments both for and against conversion therapy, and its potential impact, both positive and negative, on its clients and consumers.

Conversion therapy is not viewed by the majority of psychologists and clients as a legitimate solution to the complexity of managing multiple, and often incongruent, identities (Phillips 773). While it’s true that sexuality can be, and often is, remarkably fluid and salient throughout many peoples’ lives, research does not support the notion that any one individual can legitimately convert their core sexual orientation or that same-sex attraction is abnormal or presents a maladjusted development (Phillips 773).

Alfred Shidlo and Michael Schroeder are two psychologists working in independent practice in New York City, and at the Columbia Center for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Mental Health of Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center, and at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, respectively.

Both doctors have argued aggressively against the use of conversion therapy; they argue that despite the lack of scientific or empirical data proving the harmfulness of conversion therapy, the opposition it has generated from mental health organizations and the American Psychiatric Association speak for themselves (249). In 1998, the APA released a statement condemning the use of conversion therapy, arguing not only that it was ineffective, but that it prays on the most vulnerable among the gay and lesbian population:

The potential risks of reparative therapy are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient. Many patients who have undergone reparative therapy relate that they were inaccurately told that homosexuals are lonely, unhappy individuals who never achieve acceptance or satisfaction. The possibility that the person might achieve happiness and satisfying interpersonal relationships as a gay man or lesbian is not presented, nor are alternative approaches to dealing with the side effects of societal stigmatization discussed.

Shidlo and Schroeder’s landmark 2002 study on the results and satisfaction or dissatisfaction of various consumers of conversion therapy was telling: more than half of the people to whom they spoke reported suffering from depressed feelings resulting from the therapy (254). Some said this was because they were told that their sexuality was a choice (and believed it); others blamed it on their failure to change or when they experienced a resurgence of same-sex desire after completing therapy; still others spoke of suicidal ideation, and one female participant even likened her therapy to having been killed; another female claimed that even years after completing conversion therapy, the process was so traumatic that she hasn’t been able to even step foot inside a church again; three respondents had actually attempted suicide during the conversion therapy process (254).

One of the biggest problems facing individuals seeking conversion therapy seems to be a lack of overall information regarding sexuality and informed consent (Schroeder and Shidlo 132). The APA ethics code instructs “psychologists…not to make false or deceptive statements concerning…the scientific or clinical basis for…their services” (APA, 1992, Standard 3.03(a), p. 1604; Schroeder and Shidlo 140). Most participants were told by their therapists or counselors that homosexuality was a psychological disorder; that homosexuality does not actually exist; or that gay lives are inherently unhappy (Schroeder and Shidlo 141).

A large part of conversion therapy involves providing patently false, stereotypical and defamatory information regarding homosexuals and a “homosexual lifestyle” to those clients in therapy (Shidlo and Schroeder 255). The literature largely attempts to devalue homosexuals and their relationships as “undesirable, sick and evil” (Shidlo and Schroeder 255). Naturally, when individuals fail to change, this only exacerbates and conflates already existing feelings of internalized homophobia, self-hatred, and poor self-esteem (Shidlo and Schroeder 254).

Most people who seek conversion therapy are very religious people, often belonging to extremely conservative religions, and have suffered enormous heartache and difficulty incorporating their sexuality into their lives and into what’s expected of them by their church (Beckstead and Morrow 653). According to Tozer and Hayes, the most widely researched constructs in the psychological study of religion are the ideas of intrinsic and extrinsic attitudes (717). People who are extrinsically motivated by religion use it outwardly, to achieve things like status or social support, whereas people who are intrinsically motivated try to actually live their religion and internalize it very deeply, using it as a central organizing force in their lives (Tozer and Hayes 717). Intrinsic religiosity has been found to be a galvanizing force for prejudice against gay and lesbian individuals, and for gay and lesbian individuals themselves, seeking to change their sexual orientation (Tozer and Hayes 717).
Generally, gay and lesbian people who are very religious are far more likely to suffer from feelings of homonegativy and self-hatred than those who say that religion is unimportant (Tozer and Hayes 718). Of the majority of the people who have completed conversion therapy and reported successful or positive outcomes, the top reason cited for entering conversion therapy in the first place was the “religious nature of society” (Tozer and Hayes 718). Other reasons cited included religious guilt, rejection by the church community, and a fear of eternal damnation (Tozer and Hayes 718). A large factor in these feelings is the lack of social support felt by gay and lesbian individuals (Tozer and Hayes 719). Whereas many homosexuals seek out other homosexuals for romantic, social and emotional support, gays and lesbians for whom religion is a very important part of their lives oftentimes lack this support, and have actively shunned it (Tozer and Hayes 719). Thus, in conversion therapy, they find many like-minded individuals, and often, for the first time, find the social and emotional support, and sense of belonging or inclusiveness, missing in their previous lives (Tozer and Hayes 719).

This is not an aspect of conversion therapy to be discounted; it should also be noted, however, that “affirmative therapy” for homosexuals, which challenges oppressive stereotypes, and advocates the validity of living a fulfilling life as an openly gay or lesbian person is rarely or never presented to those seeking conversion therapy (Morrow and Beckstead, 2004). It is also true that many gay and lesbian individuals with a religious inclination feel more comfortable coming out as homosexual in a religious environment than as religiously oriented in a homosexual community (Haldeman 262). But again, with the right guidance by an experienced and non-judgmental counselor or therapist, and the seeking out of inclusive religious communities that welcome all people, this is another dilemma that can be worked on and resolved without the drastic use of conversion therapy (Haldeman 262).

John Gonsiorek of Capella University and the Minnesota School of Professional Psychology/Argosy University, suggests a more “integrative” approach to solving this dilemma (2004). Since the beginning of its visibility, the LGB (Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual) community has struggled, often unsuccessfully, to integrate spiritual life and sexuality, while most religious organizations have outright rejected any view that diverges from their orthodoxy (Gonsiorek 751). Disapproval from both communities can create severe psychological distress and be devastating for religiously-inclined struggling gays and lesbians, but perhaps a stronger focus on the “interpersonal and sociopolitical factors” at play in these peoples’ discomfort, as opposed to a direct treating of orientation or a division of sexuality and spirituality within a person’s internal framework could work wonders (Gonsiorek 752).

First and foremost, in the possible working with and treating of internally-conflicted gay and lesbian clients, the therapist needs to understand the grave importance and influence of the detrimental effects of homophobia on gay and lesbian individuals (Steigerwald and Janson 57). Working with the client to challenge stereotypes and homophobic assumptions, and to begin to work in-depth with the client’s questions in a supportive environment, is the most helpful way that therapists and psychologists can help their clients find meaning in their lives and relationships (Steigerwald and Janson 57). This requires from the counselor an attitude of hope and non-judgment, and an “active stance” that perhaps it is not so much the client that needs to be changed, but the culture in which the client lives (Steigerwald and Janson 57).
On the basis of their research, Drs. Shidlo and Schroeder offer the following advice: for any client seeking conversion therapy, detailed, informed consent is essential, including acknowledging the condemnation and disapproval by the American Psychological Association, and accurate information not only about gay and lesbian lives, but about the lack of efficacy and possible harmful side effects of conversion therapy; the client should be educated about the possible and probable developmental pathways conversion therapy can lead to; and lastly, a thorough discussion should ensue between client and therapist about what, exactly, would entail “change” in the client’s life, and how he or she would define success (258).

So in light of all of this negative information and harmful effects of conversion therapy, why wouldn’t the American Psychological Association issue an outright ban on the practice? Well, as we will see in the next section, there is an active and persuasive argument for the diversity and autonomy that can be used to support those individuals seeking conversion therapy and wishing to change (Haldeman 263). The field of psychology is not in the business of legislating, but merely guiding and informing; an individual’s right to self-determination is not something the APA wishes to remove (Haldeman 263).

Proponents of conversion therapy use the same ethical guidelines constructed by the American Psychological Association (APA) to defend their position as do opponents of conversion therapy. General Principle D of the APA’s Ethic’s Code calls for “Respect for People’s Rights and Dignity” and affirms counselors, therapists and psychologists to be aware of, and respect, cultural and individual differences in values, attitudes and opinions (Beckstead 89). Proponents argue that for some people, especially those who are deeply religious, find it too difficult to live an “out” lifestyle as a gay or lesbian, and that literature has shown that counseling is far more effective when therapists utilize counseling techniques and interventions that respect and stay within the framework of the client’s principle values and goals (Beckstead 89).

Dr. Warren Throckmorton, PhD, Associate Professor of Psychology and Fellow for Psychology and Public Policy at Grove City College in Pennsylvania, has been a leading advocate of conversion therapy and the religious individual’s right to self-determination for years (DrThrockmorton). He argues that individuals who wish to “modify their patterns of sexual arousal” should be allowed to do so without judgment, that it can be carried out ethically, and help should be available to those who request such assistance (Throckmorton 5).

Had the American Counseling Association’s (ACA) resolution questioning the use of conversion therapy been expressed as pure opposition, or an outright ban, it would have had a tremendous impact on the counseling profession (Throckmorton 3). Counselors who believe that homosexuality can, or should, be modified, would be in violation of ethics codes and subject to punishment or loss of license (Throckmorton 3).

Despite its evidence of effectiveness based primarily on a shaky foundation of self-report, clients both in favor of, and against, conversion therapy who have previously been through the process, have described positive experiences with it (Beckstead and Morrow 652). Even though the majority of them ultimately rejected the process, many reported finally feeling a sense of relief and self-determination, not only in feeling better able to manage their life and emotions, but in gaining what they perceived as a better understanding of their own development (Beckstead and Morrow 652). Some described feeling relieved that they didn’t have to eliminate their same-sex desires entirely, and that they understood now that feelings would come and go and that was okay; others reported enhanced same-sex relationships without the constant specter of sex, as they learned how better to communicate, break patterns of objectification, and develop relational skills; enhanced gender identity and positive self-exploration was another positive outcome for many (Beckstead and Morrow 652).
Dr. Throckmorton makes an argument that nothing in the ACA’s code of ethics is being actively violated regarding conversion therapy (10). He offers that one does not have to believe that homosexuality is a disorder in order to be able to help a client change their orientation; one does not need to suffer from a disorder to benefit from counseling, only a discomfort, unhappiness or maladjustment (Throckmorton 10).
Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, PhD, clinical psychologist, founder of the Thomas Aquinas Psychological Clinic in Encino, California, and the president of the previously mentioned NARTH, claims in his book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality, that rather than “cure,” he prefers to refer to the goal of “change,” thereby never promising a fundamental shift, but instead teaching healthy and effective coping mechanisms for dealing with unwanted and/or persistent homosexual desires (NARTH). Arguing that the majority of mental health practitioners view homosexuality as a result of the confluence of biological, social and psychological factors, Dr. Nicolosi claims that the social and psychological factors, the predominant and strongest of the three, can certainly be modified to create a more desirable outcome in a client’s life (NARTH). Furthermore, since psychiatry states that a disorder is characterized by distress and disability, he sees a lot of “subjective stress in homosexually oriented people which cannot be attributed solely to social discrimination” (NARTH). Dr. Nicolosi argues vehemently that “non-gay” homosexual clients have every right to choose their own forms of therapy and the freedom to choose how to live out their own sexual orientations (qtd. in Beckstead 89).

Though the number is relatively small, there are a handful of individuals who say that conversion therapy has been a blessing to them, and helped them take their sexuality from being a “peripheral” part of their lives (i.e., distinct, negative, shameful, and polarized ideas of what it would mean to them to “be gay”) to being a more active, healthy and heterosexually-oriented part of them (Beckstead 90). One man even claimed that whatever discomfort he might feel in trying to adopt a heterosexual lifestyle was far preferable to the idea of living a “gay lifestyle,” which he viewed as devoid of commitment and integrity (Beckstead 95). All of the participants in the study who reported positive outcomes from conversion therapy said that the fundamental reason for wanting to change their sexuality in the first place was a spiritual need to “conform to what they felt to be true” (Beckstead 95).

In his defense of conversion therapy and its methods, Dr. Throckmorton uses copious amounts of data and information that is sometimes decades old (Throckmorton 12). He argues, however, that the literature on therapeutic assistance for treating unwanted sexuality came to a halt in the 1970’s due to social and political pressure from the American Psychological Association and the American medical establishment (Throckmorton 12). The desire of thousands of people to change, however, did not halt, and to deny that service to tortured individuals does not only them, but the whole psychiatric profession, a disservice (Throckmorton 12). He submits that it is inappropriate to tell clients that they cannot be helped when their desire is to change, and that using Kinsey’s past reasoning that sexual orientation lies on a sliding scale in the first place, then that scale can be manipulated in favor of a more heterosexual outcome (Throckmorton 12).

Some therapists view the APA’s decision to condemn conversion therapy as an act based on secular principles and politics, and that religious values should not only supercede those of secularists and scientists, but that the APA’s condemnation was not based on empirical data in the first place (Schroeder and Shidlo 139). Some clients reported being told by their therapists that the APA’s decision was a perfect example of why it was so important to make sure they see a Christian psychologist, since not every psychologist is a Christian (Schroeder and Shidlo 140).

Dr. Throckmorton submits the challenge that opponents of conversion therapy must effectively demonstrate that no client has benefited from conversion therapy, and that even if they have, that some abstract cost has been too objectively great to be worth it (11). Many individuals, he concludes, have been able to change their sexual orientation, and live what they consider to be far more fulfilling, integrated and peaceful lives (11). By doing so, Dr. Throckmorton is making explicit the dilemma that opponents of conversion therapy face: the lack of efficacy and empirical data that they use to justify a condemnation can also be used by proponents in exactly the same manner. In other words, both Drs. Throckmorton and Nicolosi are saying, the burden of proof is on the opponents of therapy, and thus far, that proof has not turned up (Throckmorton 12). Furthermore, for those who have successfully (by their standards) changed orientations, the APA condemnation denigrates and trivializes their accomplishments (Throckmorton 11). As long as clients are benefiting, small though that number may be, legislation and ethics codes condemning the very therapy that the clients found useful is both judgmental and short-sighted.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Does anybody have a long, pretty wig I can borrow?

Back in the day, oh, in my late teens and early twenties, I used to reject the "gay" label, often quoting Michael Stipe, saying "Labels are for soup cans." I will love who I love, I said. I will love the person, not the body. Of course, back then, that was all just an elaborate charade so as to not have to admit that I was actually a homosexual, although I wasn't fooling anybody. Well, except maybe myself. Or, no, not really even myself. It was a safe way for me to admit that yeah, I was pretty queer, but not gay, not so compartmentalized, so scripted. I didn't know anyone yet who actually called themself "gay." I certainly wasn't brave enough to be the first. And as far as Michael Stipe goes, it was also a cowardly way for him to avoid the question.

Once, however, I became comfortable with the gay label, my next targets of my internalized homphobia were drag queens and transsexuals. I hated them, and Dallas nightclubs were full of them, even the non-gay ones. I resented that whenever I went to a gay club they were all over the place. They were (or maybe still are) a ubiquitous part of Dallas nightlife. At least where I went. Not until years later, when my boyfriend left me for a woman, and I had to face my own self-loathing and homophobia and fear head-on, did I come to realize that, even into my mid-twenties, being gay, to me, meant not being a man. It meant cutting off a part of your masculinity (so to speak). This was also why, for years, the biggest objects of my affection and unrequited love were always straight men. I don't know that I really wanted to date any of them (although a few of them I certainly wouldn't have kicked out of bed); I wanted to be them. I wanted to live vicariously through them. The acceptance of straight males still means a lot to me, even now. A large part of that, though, is also because growing up I never had male friends, and I always longed for them desperately. Boys always hated me, and, well, I usually wasn't ever too crazy about them either. I never had solid, close, male relationships until my early 20's. But I always wanted them, as far back as I can remember.

Luckily, and thankfully, I've moved on from all of that. (Isn't self-awareness wonderful?!?) All of which, ironically, has had me thinking about labels again recently.

In my Sexuality class a couple of weeks ago, we had a male-to-female transsexual come talk to the class about her experiences as a transgendered person, and how she came to decide to switch genders and live fully as a woman. It was fascinating, and since transsexuals are people I've taken an avid interest in recently, but never really had the fortune to sit down and talk to, I could have listened to her talk all day. It didn't help that she was a great speaker, was really funny, and had a charismatic comfort that radiated all over the classroom. Her journey was so interesting, though, and she said that her ideal man would be the totally stereotypical sort of blue-coller tough guy. Those guys, however, she lamented, were never interested in her. Freaked them out too much.

One thing I guess I'd never really considered a whole lot before her talk, though, was how identifying with one gender or another, just like sexuality, can be on a scale, just like sexual orientation (and I don't have to say that the two are totally unrelated at this point, do I....?).

One of the very best compliments I've ever received in my life came from a dear friend who told me that his favorite thing about me was that I encompassed the best of both genders. It was totally out of left field, but I've thought about that a lot since he told me that. It is true that I love being a man; I love my body (as in, the maleness of it, not my physique; I actually sort of hate that), I love being around other men, I love men's clothes, the way they smell, the whole bit. Inside, though, I've always felt much more feminine than masculine. In fact, and this is weird, but when I think of myself outwardly, like when I imagine what I must look like to others, I often imagine myself as a physical female. That's a hard thing to admit, and it's sort of scary, but I welcome in the anxiety. I'm fairly certain I'll never get to the point where I feel incomplete unless I'm a female; as I said, I do love being a man.

But having said that, I like to think of myself more as "queer" now than "gay." I know it doesn't really matter, and I still am what I am, but queer can mean so many things. Like, almost all of my heterosexual male friends I would also consider about as queer as can be. Just because they sleep with girls doesn't make them less queer than I am. (Sorry, guys, I hope you appreciate that!) It just means they're queer in different ways. At least in my interpretation.

A few weeks ago I wrote about needing to do something for my paper in my Sexuality class. Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, I have: I'm going to do a photo-essay of myself - in full on drag. I'm gonna go all out, with leg-shaving, high heels, a long wig, makeup, skirts. I think it will be a lot of fun, and yes, it does freak me out some. What if I really love it?!? Frankly, I don't really want to be a transgendered person, but I guess if I do love it and I am, then so be it. I kind of already consider myself about half transgendered anyway, I suppose.

Maybe I'll even post some of the pictures here.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Cruising

(THIS POST HAS BEEN UPDATED SINCE IT WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED.)



If I'd seen Cruising when I was a teenager, I'm pretty sure I would have stayed in the closet another 10 years and never left the relative safety of my small hometown. For a movie so filled with such nastiness, such brutality, such wanton disregard for life, humanity, or even fun, charges that it's homophobic are just lazy. And dumb. I concede that I may be a bit more liberal in this arena than your average gay: I have a pretty high tolerance for various representations of how to live in the name of "freedom of expression." Which is one reason I fucking hate groups like GLAAD. In the past they have actively called for boycotts of writers (gay ones!) because they didn't feel that their work accurately represented the "gay community" in a positive enough light to suit their political agenda. (In fact, back when I fancied myself a filmmaker, one of my major career goals, I shit you not, was to someday be boycotted by GLAAD; that's when I would have known I'd made it.) Which I guess is why politics and art shouldn't mix.

In Cruising, William Friedkin makes no attempt whatsoever to accurately portray the whole of the gay community. It could even be argued that he makes the argument that repression of your true self (i.e., your gayness) can turn you into a self-hating murderer of other gays. Perhaps the film should be subtitled: Free To Be You and Me: Don't Hate! As he explains in the vignettes on the recently re-released DVD (which has a crystal-clear screen image, and lightens up a whole lot of that "background action" that was supposedly darkened for the release almost 30 years ago), to him it is simply a murder mystery, that just happens to be set in this realy extreme underground culture of gay S&M in New York City. Maybe that's a cop-out, but he also admits to understanding where the protestors are coming from, and why a lot of gay people feel maligned by the film. It is, however, as he also points out, a subculture that really existed at the time, and was going strong. He didn't make it up. By no means was every gay person participating in it, but a lot were, and if nothing else, it just looks terribly boring. I totally understand the euphoric thrill of anonymous sex, but when you're laid out in a sling, your legs in the air, and three guys are standing around taking turns fisting you (as is portrayed fairly explicitly in the film), one wonders where exactly the pleasure is. A prominent hallmark of genuine sexual addiction is the loss of enjoyment associated with actually having sex: it all becomes about the chase, about the procurement, about the bigger and bolder risks. The actual sex ends up being beside the point. All addictions are degenerative, and behavioral addictions are certainly no exception.



More than anything, though, Cruising is just depressing. Despite the killer being caught (sort of), it ends on a vague and unsettling note implying multiple things (SPOILER ALERT!): that Al Pacino has possibly been "turned" gay by his undercover research, and that Al Pacino is possibly a hideous murderer, preying on the most innocent among us and committing one of the most brutal crimes throughout the entire film.

It's an open-ended, dubious, and ambiguous movie through and through. But despite how unpleasant it is, it's also kind of brilliant, for a lot of the reasons I just mentioned. It has a lot to say about identity and how society can shape a person, particularly at a time when homosexuality was still very scary and/or exotic to most of the population. Whether or not William Friedkin really understood what was going on in the gay world at this point in time is left unanswered. I wonder if he knew that this explosion of sexual activity and obsession was a result of having been repressed for so long, and finally going insane with feelings of liberation? Is it possible that the characters in the film have so much sex simply because they can, and not even because they want to, or get any pleasure out of of it? Maybe Friedkin is actually a total genius and is making a prophetic comment about the ravages of unchecked decadence and hedonism. After he slaughters each of his victims, the killer says to each one in a deadpan purr, "You made me do that." Is Friedkin calling out the gay community for self-destructing?

Eh, it's definitely a stretch, but an interpretation I kind of like.

On a related note, I decided a couple of months ago that I thought it would be fun to try to watch as many movies as possible set in NYC during the 70's, back when it was still dark, ugly, dangerous, and only crazy people wanted to live there. Before the Disneyfication and Sex and the City turned it into a sunny, pastel playground of nice restaurants and martinis. As luck would have it, Scott Heim, author of the novel Mysterious Skin, had a post on his blog recently about that very subject, and his top-10 favorite films set in New York City from the 70's, which includes Cruising and The Warriors, which I've seen, but not any of the others. Maniac looks especially...fun.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

If you have no other choice

Last night I went to I Love Video with the intent to rent Night Train Murders after hearing Eli Roth talk about what a huge influence it was on Hostel 2 on the commentary of that movie (which is great, by the way; I highly recommend it), but instead impulsively rented a little documentary called Follow My Voice, about recording a tribute album to Hedwig and the Angry Inch by a bunch of indie rock hipsters (Sleater-Kinney, Ben Folds, Frank Black, Jonathan Richman, Polyphonic Spree, They Might Be Giants, Cyndi Lauper, Yo La Tengo, The Breeders, Stephen Colbert, and a few more).

Mixed in to behind the scenes recording of the record, however, are video diaries of several teenagers attending the Harvey Milk High School in Manhattan, which is a school composed primarily of gay and transgender students (and what proceeds of the CD are benefitting), but open to anyone who wants to come there because they don't fit in at a regular school, or they feel threatened, or whatever. At first the video diaries kind of annoyed me, and I thought they were boring, and I just wanted to see more bands doing awesome songs, but the longer the movie went on, the more it roped me in. I started to see a structure to the film, which is that it was taking the themes of the songs and weaving it into the themes of the kids' diaries to, essentially, create the structure, or plot, of the documentary. It's subtle, and doesn't always work, but when it does work, it's incredible. I got all choked up watching a transgender teenager getting her hair done for prom, while the Polyphonic Spree performed "Wig in a Box" (perhaps my favorite song from the whole movie), which is totally ridiculous, but it just works.

All in all, it turned out to be a really inspiring film, and the scene towards the end, when the high school finally opens as a fully-accredited high school in New York, and the police have to set up fencing to keep back the protestors, but the kids walk through anyway, beaming, as they are also cheered on by many, many supporters, just warms the heart and really gives one hope. (It's also quite reminiscent of footage of the integration of Central High in Little Rock back in the 50's, which is some of the most amazing stuff I've ever seen.)

Okay, I know I'm not being very eloquent here, but I just woke up. If you love Hedwig, or just love rock-n-roll, or just love great documentaries, check it out. You can buy the CD here, though I'm not sure the proceeds are still going to the school, since I checked the actual web site of the record label, and it no longer exists.

In the meantime, enjoy some "Wig in a Box" from the movie!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Boy Scout Ambivalence


By now I'm sure everyone's heard that the Boy Scouts got kicked out of their headquarters in Philadelphia for refusing to change their anti-gay bigotry. I understand the city's position and I don't sympathize with the Boy Scouts at all, but something about this kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Municipal officials said the clash stemmed from a duty to defend civil rights and an obligation to abide by a local law that bars taxpayer support for any group that discriminates. Boy Scout officials said it was about preserving their culture, protecting the right of private organizations to remain exclusive and defending traditions like requiring members to swear an oath of duty to God and prohibiting membership by anyone who is openly homosexual.

This week the Boy Scouts made their last stand and lost.

“At the end of the day, you can not be in a city-owned facility being subsidized by the taxpayers and not have language in your lease that talks about nondiscrimination,” said City Councilman Darrell L. Clarke, who represents the district where the building is located. “Negotiations are over.”


I don't know much about the Boy Scouts; as a kid I was never remotely interested in joining (I was in the Webloes for one year, but my best girlfriend down the street couldn't be in them, so I quit), but I know that for a lot of kids, it's a lifesaver. I would prefer that their lifesaver not be such an intolerant lot, but nevertheless, sometimes I think there are things that trump being progressive. Of course, if the city is going to take a hardline approach to this stuff, it can't go around making exceptions, especially for religious groups, which, in any other circumstance I'd say kick the free-loading bastards out.

Philadelphia has an astronomical crime rate and ridiculous poverty levels, and at least according to a Boy Scout spokesman for the Philadelphia chapter, having to pay the full rent on the building (which the city estimates at $200,000 annually) would require that they cut funding for summer camps for low-income, inner-city kids. Maybe that's not true, or maybe it's irrelevant. It seems too bad, though, that it has to be either/or. The whole situation kind of depresses me.

But what I guess is really too bad is that the Boy Scouts have to be such bigots. That doesn't serve anybody.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Gaymongering (or should that be AntiGaymongering) no longer makes the cut in Kentucky

Robotic phone calls (some of which were voiced by Pat Boone!!) called Kentucky constituents this past week in the run-up to the election for governor, with the incumbent, conservative Governor Ernie Fletcher far behind his more liberal-leaning Democratic opponent, Steve Beshear. The calls seemed to be a last-ditch effort to smear Beshear by using some previously tried and true scare tactics of the Republican party: the Gay Card. The calls accused Beshear of receiving major support from out of state gay activists and of supporting gay marriage and anti-discrimination laws.

Though he denies having had anything to do with the phone calls, incumbent Fletcher accused Beshear of having "San Francisco values" and linking him to the "homosexual lobby."

Nevertheless, yesterday the voters spoke and Beshear unseated the incumbent in a "landslide," taking 60% of the vote.

The election was clearly a repudiation of Fletcher, who was seriously damaged by a scandal over his administration's hiring abuses in the state merit system. Fletcher refused to testify before a grand jury, was indicted on three misdemeanor counts -- later dismissed -- and pardoned those around him who had been charged.

"The people of Kentucky have spoken, and they turned the reins of the government over to us," Beshear -- surrounded by his wife, Jane, and the rest of his family -- told a roaring crowd at the Farnham Dudgeon Civic Center in Frankfort last night.

Beshear said his dream is for a time when all children will have health insurance and senior citizens won't have to choose between food and prescription drugs.

"My friends, that time is here and that time is now," he said.


It's enough to make a christian nostalgic for the glory days of 2004.

Friday, November 02, 2007

and nowhere shines but desolate


Immediately after watching Suddenly, Last Summer on Monday, I was struck by the amount of vitriolic hatred it seemed to espouse toward homosexuals, and that I didn't think I'd ever seen such a gratuitous manifestation of the gay man as sexual predator in any film before, ever. Which I found particularly interesting, seeing as how it was based on a stage play by Tennessee Williams, and the screenplay was written by Gore vidal (both of whom, as everyone knows, are very Famous Homosexuals). Another interesting piece of trivia that I wasn't aware of was that Montgomery Clift, who plays the doctor, was also gay, and was apparently treated very badly by the director for this reason.

Despite my 5-star rating on Netflix, because it was so much fun to watch and marvel at, I kind of consider it a film beyond rating, or even beyond criticism. Not because it's so transcendantly good, or stands out as some kind of untouchable artifact from its era, but simply because it's so god-awful. The movie is essentially a geek show, an unbelievably overwrought 2-hour shriek from the very depths of Williams' twisted and tortured psyche, a piece of work rumored to have been written as therapy for himself, which means it probably should have stayed hidden somewhere, locked away in a box.

I am being a little unfair, since I've neither seen nor read the play, which is apparently just 2 long monologues, and it might be quite different. Vidal claims in Vito Russell's The Celluloid Closet that the studios made the screenwriter drop every overt reference to homosexuality in the script, and made the director turn the homosexual himself into a faceless, voiceless shadow (if you've seen the film, you know what I'm talking about). This dehumanizing element of the film is probably most responsible for turning it into the unsettling creepshow that it is.

Over the last few days, though, I've come to start thinking of the film a little differently. (I also can't help but wonder how differently it would have turned out had the studios not imposed such strict censorship.) The film, I think, is basically about a man who is literally consumed by his own unquenchable desires, but rather than blaming the victim (which I did after viewing the film, and which I think is an inherent psychological factor the film exploits) perhaps it could be taken as a parable of what repression can do to a person. Taken less literally and more of a metaphor might be a more balanced interpretation, but nevertheless, the histrionics and melodrama pretty much kill any kind of serious reading of the film. Whether this was simply a product of 1950's movie-making, where lots of shouting and over-emoting was kind of the order of the day, or a deeper symptom of pervasive homophobia and mysogyny is impossible for me to discern.

Nuance and subtlety are not hallmarks of any of Tennessee Williams' plays (at least in the film versions), but they do all contain deeper and more interesting undercurrents than does Suddenly, Last Summer at first glance. A Streetcar Named Desire has a real broken heart at its center (or, more appropriately, 3 broken hearts), and Paul Newman showed incredible depth in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof as a man completely broken, both physically and emotionally, on the verge of total collapse. Despite the hysterics and shouting. Suddenly, Last Summer comes off more like a right-winger's fantasy of the moral deprivation of gay men and their lustful, predatory nature. But all the Freudian elements are there for display if one cares to look, and judging by the rash of today's headlines, it doesn't seem too off the mark to concede that perhaps Williams was really onto something in this one. Grotesque though it may be.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Is it possible for a building to be gay?

Buenos Aires gets its first five-star, all-gay hotel, Hotel Axel. Naturally, it's ultra-modern, sleek, with sound-proof rooms and bowls of condoms. There already is one in Barcelona. And just in case you're wondering, they're "heterofriendly."

I was wondering when these were going to start being built in the states, and then I remembered, oh yeah, there are all kinds of gay resorts that already exist, in places like Key West and Palm Springs. Probably not five-star resorts, though.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Under the bus

The blogs are buzzing this morning about the news that Barack Obama has tapped none other than notorious "ex-gay" homophobe Donnie McClurkin (and a little more here) as part of his make kissy-face with the wingnuts tour, aka, the Southern Gospel Tour. Apparently getting scared of his lack of support within the black community due to their (possibly correct) suspicion that he's not quite qualified to be president, Mr. Obama is touring the south with his gospel choir, preaching the almighty word.

I knew it would happen sooner or later; an ambitious politician can only pretend to not care about courting the fundamentalists for so long before they have to give in. Is it not enough to try to sell yourself to the other 75% of the country that isn't completely insane? I guess I have little beef with the tour itself; what gets me is the choosing of this guy to represent Obama. I mean, is he the only singer that fits the bill? Couldn't someone a little less controversial have been chosen? And did no one on Obama's staff say, "Uh, hey dude, you might want to reconsider this guy, because it sure is gonna piss a lot of people off." If the comments I've been reading by enraged readers on various blogs are any indication, this will be a huge detriment to Obama's already somewhat shaky support with the gays. (Also let it be known that I think some of those people are pretty hysterical and self-absorbed.)

As I've said before, I'm not a one-issue voter, and I suspect at this point that he would be a powerful leader. I don't think Obama is a homophobe, nor do I think he would cynically claim to support a marriage amendment, but it speaks volumes to me about what kind of a person he is. I'm far from certain about Obama as it is, and this is just one more reason for me to keep my tentative distance. It kind of bums me out. I really wanna believe in the guy.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Wherever you are....


Today is National Coming Out Day! So be sure to tell your local congressperson or senator they don't have to pass those nasty laws anymore - today they should just embrace who they are! (Or embrace the man in the stall next to them....)

Not really coincidentally, today also marks the 20th anniversary of the 500,000 person march on Washington for gay rights and to demand government action towards the AIDS crisis.

We can cry all we want to (and we should) but it's pretty amazing to look back at how far we've come as a society in just 20 years.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Times Change

Last May, the Oregon legislature approved two enormous civil rights bills for gay folk, the first being a broad anti-discrimination bill in employment, and secondly, a "civil parternships" bill which grants gay couples every single legal benefit of marriage in Oregon, just without actually calling it marriage. Only Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, California, New Jersey, Maine, Washington, and Hawaii have civil partnerships benefits to gay couples, but none go as far as Oregon's, except obviously, Massachussetts, since they allow outright marriage. This was an especially bold move for the Oregon legislature, since voters in that state voted to constitutionally ban gay marriage there as recently as 2004. One wishes every liberal-leaning politician could be so brave (or honest).

Both bills in Oregon are due to kick in starting in January of 2008, but not without a fair amount of protest. Former senator Marilyn Shannon, leader of the hate group Defense of Marriage and Family Again (one assumes the "again" to reference their activism when gay marriage was on the ballot in 2004), has spent the last 5 months desperately trying to get enough signatures on a ballot to present to the legislature to force both gay-rights laws into a public vote and override the legislative decision. All that was needed was 55,179 signatures, and in a state with a population of almost 4 million, guess what? They couldn't get enough people to sign it. Being only 116 signatures short, one wonders how hard it could possibly be to get just 116 more. Either they didn't try hard enough (which I sincerely doubt), or the interest among the general population in continuing to waste time spreading hatred and discrimination just isn't there.

What a differenc 3 years, a war, and a completely corrupt and perverted "family values" Republican party can make, huh?

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Why live in the world when you can live in your head?

In The Happiness Hypothesis, which I previously wrote about here, he has a whole chapter on Virtue, and how in the West, we've gotten away from teaching our children to be Virtuous in favor of being Moral. The difference being that teaching kids to be "moral" focuses on dilemmas and quandaries, whereas teaching kids to be "virtuous" focuses on actual character. As the author says, "where the ancients saw virtue and character at work in everything a person does, our modern conception confines morality to a set of situations that arise for each person a few times in any given week: tradeoffs between self-interest and the interest of others." We define morality by how often (and how much) one gives to charity, helps others, does nice things, and generally isn't a total bastard.

The author cites Ben Franklin, who apparently wrote books about virtue, in his own metaphor for virtue: it is like a garden of "excellences" that a person cultivates to be more effective and appealing to others. In other words, are you willing to put in the work now (planting, sowing, tilling, etc) toward your own well-being later on (harvesting, reaping)? Becoming virtuous, like most other things worth doing or being, takes work and dedication, and growth. One isn't born virtuous, one must become virtuous. (There's a whole other chapter on the growth capacity of suffering, and whether emotional suffering and despair is actually necessary for adequate and complete spiritual growth, or if that growth is possible without it. In other words, can you become enlightened without first being engulfed in darkness?)

I'd honestly never considered the idea of virtue as not particularly being about morality before, and how the two can be such separate notions. It got me thinking, though, when the author lists what two other researchers have uncovered what they believe are the 6 top Character Strengths, each with its own bullet points, but I'll just hit the high-level virtues:

Wisdom
Courage
Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Transcendence

(You can test your own character strengths at Authentic Happiness, which I did here, back in January.)

One "virtue" that I personally feel they've left out (and the authors invite people to argue with them; it's by no means considered a definitive list) is thoughtfulness. That seems to me a rarity these days. Not among people I know of course (natch), but it's interesting how it seems people can be mostly very kind and good-hearted but just also completely wrapped up in their own head all the time, rarely considering the consequences of their actions on the people around them. Simple courtesies that seem to be always missing.

I guess I was just raised in a hyper-vigilant household about being thoughtful. Both of my parents went to extreme lengths to make sure that as I was growing up, I always considered every action I took and how it would affect the people around me. I was frequently shamed into empathy and deliberate thoughtfulness when I had hurt someone, or had even been capable of hurting someone, through something that I did. Or whenever I had simply inconvenienced someone, or been demanding, or careless, or whatever. It was rarely not pointed out to me. (And lest anyone recoil at the "shaming" of children, there's nothing wrong with teaching children to feel ashamed of shameful actions; imagine a world where adults never felt shame for anything!)

To illustrate just how far my parents took this, once, when I was in high school, my mother caught a friend and me having sex one night (and this friend, yes, was a boy). She didn't confront me that night, but the next morning she did, and when I flat-out lied and told her I wasn't gay (I wasn't even ready to admit it to myself, much less both of my parents in an interrogation), that I was "experimenting," but that I thought my friend was gay, she said, "Well how do you think that makes him feel? Do you think he'll feel good about having his emotions used like that?" (In an especially ironic twist, this "friend" later became my boyfriend for years, but then later also became straight, while I continued being as queer as a $3 bill.)

Thus, an example of where shaming is necessary to teach a lesson about being thoughtful. Maybe that's a dumb example, but I never forgot that; it made a big impression on me. Thoughtfulness goes beyond being merely polite. It's a deliberate mindset. It's just confounding to me that so many people lack it.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

"There are gay men who are happy to assist heterosexually-identified men in all sorts of ways."

Dan Savage was on Colbert last night. A couple of Stephen's expressions are pretty priceless. It's all worth a little giggle.

You can look at the clip here.

(If for some reason the video that comes up isn't the right one, just type Dan Savage in the search bar and it's the first one that appears.)

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Blame Canada



After a 9th grade student in Nova Scotia was preyed upon, bullied, called a "homosexual," and threatened with violence for wearing a pink shirt to school, these two heroes (in above picture) took action.

The next day, Grade 12 students David Shepherd and Travis Price decided something had to be done about bullying.

They used the Internet to encourage people to wear pink and bought 75 pink tank tops for male students to wear. They handed out the shirts in the lobby before class last Friday — even the bullied student had one.

"I made sure there was a shirt for him," David said.

They also brought a pink basketball to school as well as pink material for headbands and arm bands. David and Travis figure about half the school’s 830 students wore pink.

"The bullies got angry," said Travis. "One guy was throwing chairs (in the cafeteria). We’re glad we got the response we wanted."

David said one of the bullies angrily asked him whether he knew pink on a male was a symbol of homosexuality.

He told the bully that didn’t matter to him and shouldn’t to anyone.

"Kids don’t need this in their lives, worrying about what to wear to school. That should be the last thing on their minds."

When the bullied student put on his pink shirt Friday and saw all the other pink in the lobby, "he was all smiles. It was like a big weight had been lifted off is shoulder," David said. No one at the school would reveal the student’s name.


See what happens in a country that treats all its civilians like equals and promotes acceptance and non-judgement??!?! The kids all become fruits!

Canada. Pfft....

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I'm filled with hatred and it knows no bounds.

A Dead Motherfucker.

D. James Kennedy, megachurch pastor and co-founder of the Religious Right and the "moral majority," ate it today, and the world somehow became a nicer place to be. Some of his choice quotes:

"With other dangerous and contagious diseases, all sorts of efforts are made to identify those carrying the disease, and to minimize their contact with the public. And yet, here we have homosexual rights groups working day and night to make sure AIDS victims ARE NOT IDENTIFIED! Until action is taken, AIDS victims are free to infect anyone." (Newsletter, 1989)

One newsletter from D. James Kennedy's Coral Ridge Ministries featured a photograph of very young children under the headline "SEX WITH CHILDREN? HOMOSEXUALS SAY YES!" The newsletter asserts "Adult sex with children has been a crucial component of the homosexual movement all along, and officially since the 1993 March on Washington when it was included as a demand (#55) in their famous manifesto." (Hmmm.... how come nobody sent me a copy of the manifesto? It might have made my life a lot easier when I was around 20 or so.)

On evolution: it "led to the death of nine million people in Nazi Germany.... The greatest mass murderers of all time [are] all compliments of evolution,"[23] an idea reflected in Coral Ridge's controversial documentary Darwin's Deadly Legacy in 2006.

His church, Coral Ridge Presbytarian, also hosted the "Love Won Out" conference last year, which is a big ole gathering of "ex-gays" who all sit around and talk about how not gay they are for 3 days.

And speaking of not gay, the Republican debate tonight.... I mean, are they serious? All they can do is bash immigrants, bash gays, bash immigrants, talk about who's been to war and who hasn't, talk about September 11th, then bash immigrants some more.

Christ. We're in serious trouble, folks. I'm gonna go eat some leftover chocolate cake, listen to some Madonna, and contemplate the end of the world now. I'll be in my room if you need me.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Gay fiction

It is difficult to get the news from poems, yet men die miserably every day, for lack of what is found there. - William Carlos Williams

Over the last couple of years, I’ve been reading a lot of “gay fiction,” mostly from the 1940’s and 50’s. Stuff like The Folded Leaf by William Maxwell (1945), Another Country (1962) and Giovanni's Room (1956), both by James Baldwin, The City and the Pillar, by Gore Vidal (1948), and books that aren’t necessarily about the gay, but deal with overtly gay topics (The Color Purple, 1982), or just have a lot of gay subtext (A Separate Peace, 1959).

I think what’s most striking to me about all of these books, and others like them (as opposed to more recent novels about the exigencies of the AIDS crisis like Nightswimmer or Eighty-Sixed, both of which I wrote about here) is the seamless confluence of bitter cynicism and hopeless romanticism. The characters in these books are all generally miserable and desperately homophobic, rarely admitting to themselves what they are, even as they fall in love, and have sex with, other men. It’s a lonely and miserable world, where admitting that you’re “one of them” requires a deliberate removal from society and living in almost communal circumstances in either Hollywood, New York, or New Orleans (especially N.O. if you happened to be both black and gay, a double-whammy). In one scene in The City and the Pillar, three men are in a bar in New Orleans discussing a white boy involved in an abusive relationship with a “negro,” and one of them says, “Of course, I expect being a Negro in America is enough to make anyone neurotic. So this added bit, this extra kick, is nothing to be surprised at. Then of course many of them are truly primitive, and primitives don’t seem to mind what they do if it’s fun.” This is the world of the homosexual in 1940’s America. At least according to the literature.

It’s expected that most men will spend their lives alone, or in unhappy (and obviously unfaithful, and often abusive) relationships with women, all the while pining away for that one boy from their youth, or that one man, that they can’t get out of their head. In The Folded Leaf, two schoolboys go all the way through grammar school and college together, never overtly having sex (though I suppose this was because it was published in 1945), but who slept in the same bed, and often held hands and only double-dated with girls. Naturally at the end one of them marries and the other is so distraught that he kills himself. In The City and the Pillar, one character goes on a years-long, and country-wide, search for his true love, his best friend from high school whom he feels has deserted him. In both James Baldwin novels, gay love is treated as something so pure, and so consuming and intense, that it can only lead to heartbreak, devastation and death (both literal and metaphoric).

As opposed to more modern gay fiction, which always seems to be about how men are pretty much physically and emotionally incapable of committing to one another for more than 5 minutes, these old books seem to be about men who want to commit, sometimes desperately, but because of society, are unable to. They live on the fringes, with their sleazy bars and social codes, and rot from the inside out from bitterness, and eventually always turn on one another for exposing what they “really are.” Which I think is an interesting juxtaposition, and one worth examining to see how much truth there is in these positions, or if that’s just what creates great drama. Is that really how gay life was back in the mid-20th century (I suspect so, though I also suspect there were more men in relationships and moderately happy than these books let on)?

Either way, if you pay too much attention to the literature, it all seems quite bleak and hopeless, but from an anthropological standpoint, it’s fascinating. Gay men may still be so fucked up emotionally, even these days, that they find it impossible to ever have healthy relationships, but at least it is possible. At least they have the option (well, in a lot of places; not everywhere). Which is an important distinction to make, especially if you’re comparing literature. If things were as bad as all that in the 40’s and 50’s, and if all gay men were that hateful and morose, no wonder they all went fucking ballistic after Stonewall. And in the irony of ironies, all that liberation, happiness and fucking of course led to AIDS a scant 12 years later. But as many have theorized, it was AIDS that truly brought about the gay rights movement. Had AIDS never come along, we might all still live in the urban shadows, our whole social life consisting of bars and bathhouses. I don’t think so, nor am I arguing that AIDS was a good thing, but I think eventually (perhaps not as soon as we did) the gays would have grown weary of all that anonymous cock and eventually grown up, even without some kind of horrific impetus. Humans are hard-wired for companionship and love, even biologically (your brain actually does physically change when you’re in love), and I think that will always emerge, no matter how dark the circumstance.

Great fiction and literature, though, has always been about earth-shattering emotions, failed love and death. That’s why we read it, right? Sometimes, though, it all just becomes too much bitterness and anger, and you just want to pick up a nice Michael Chabon novel.