Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Don't Look Now

Has anyone ever had the kind of nightmare where nothing actually happens, but it's infused with such a sense of dread and foreboding that you wake up with your heart racing, and absolutely paralyzed with fear?

I can't even begin to really get into what exactly was going on in the dream, or what all the symbolism must mean, except to say that it all seems to have a lot of echoes of my past. It started out with my being all alone in Dallas, downtown somewhere, at night, and there was a serial killer in the area that hadn't yet been caught. It was some kind of dwarf who would break into children's rooms and cut up their faces and throats with a scalpel. And while this didn't happen in the dream, I was aware of its happening, and I was terrified and lost, and I don't remember what I was doing there.

Then it shifted to my childhood bedroom I had until I was 15. I was the age I am now, and sleeping in it, and wondering why, and the door was shut, and I could see, through the light at the bottom of the door, footsteps, and I just knew that it was the weird dwarf/monster thing, having come to kill me, and I was wondering why my parents weren't saving me, and why, being almost 30-years-old, I couldn't get out of bed and save myself.

Then I woke up, and it was still dark and I was short of breath, and almost felt like I was having a panic attack.

Very weird. It's times like these I wish I was still going to therapy.

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