You've come a long way, baby

Remember when Mark Wahlberg, previously known as Marky Mark, of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, got famous, and it was for no reason except that he was the crazy, younger brother of a New Kid on the Block (granted it was the one who set hotels on fire and made fun of gay people, but still), and he was most known for dropping his pants and dancing around in his white Fruit of the Looms?

I remember.

I really like Marky Mark, er, Mark Wahlberg, as an actor, and unless they've done something truly abhorrent, I don't really believe too much in holding someone's past against them (I think he's mostly innocent, unless you count that wretched "Wild Side" cover or "re-imagining," or whatever, as one of the more painful atrocities visited upon mankind). But unfortunately, I think maybe Marky Mark may have played a fairly integral part in my sexual identity (well, at least fetish-wise).

Perhaps I'm revealing a bit too much here, but Marky Mark came to prominence just as I was really discovering my sexual identity and masturbation, and what really turned me on. And you know what did it for me? Fucking Marky Mark and his tighty-whities. There was that Rockin' Jock basketball thing that was on MTV all the time, where celebrities played against each other, and Marky Mark (along with his ever-present Funky Bunch) performed the halftime show. Well naturally the pants came down, revealing all his Fruit of the Loom glory. Of course I taped it, and anytime my parents left the house, I would put the tape in and watch it and jerk off. I was incorrigible. It was my first pornography (and if only it had stayed that innocent!), and I couldn't get enough.

Even that god-awful video for "Good Vibrations" got me going, what with Marky Mark sitting on the edge of the bed, the blinds on the window casting a slotted shadow across his body as the girl he just banged is getting dressed. The emphasis is supposed to be on the girl, but he's just sitting there, watching her, and his leg is propped up, and you can see the majority of his big, beefy thigh, and he was clearly supposed to be naked. It drove me wild.

I guess I'd never really given much thought to such things as underwear before, but I can honestly say that it's probably largely because of Marky Mark that to this day, plain white briefs get me hotter than anything (on the right people). So pure, so simple, so masculine. So revealing, yet leaving just enough covered to still be mysterious.

But why, you might ask, am I writing about this now, and what made me think of it? Well, I'll tell you, but after I do, you'll be sorry you asked.

Today I was driving around, flipping through the channels on the radio, when I passed over BOB FM, and what was playing but "Good Vibrations."

"Holy shit," I thought to myself, "I haven't heard this song in probably at least a decade, if not much longer than that."

And then I got an erection. I swear to fucking God.

"Good Vibrations" got me hard.

Believe me, I was just stunned as you probably are.