Friday, May 30, 2008

If you say, "I told you so," I'll punch you in the nuts

So, Tom and I tried to go see The Strangers tonight. And by "tried," I mean, we were able to get tickets, but found the circumstances intolerable.

For starters, we went to a mildly suburban theater in a mall. Even though they supposedly advertise that no one under 18 is allowed in the theater after 7pm on Friday or Saturday nights, it's a rule that is either clearly not enforced, or the age should be upped to 25, and even then only open to people who don't pay $9 to sit and talk to their friends.

The theater was full, but not really as bad as you might think. The final straw, really, was the guy sitting next to me, who constantly said things (very out loud) like, "Oh no," "Oh, shit!" and "Damn, girl." That was directed at Liv Tyler.

Before that, however, about 15 minutes into the film, four adults enter with a child in tow, who was probably about 4 years old.

Naturally they sat right in front of us.

I wasted about 15 seconds before storming out to the concession stand and finding the manager. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Um, did you know there are people watching The Strangers with little kids? Like, very small children.

Manager: Are they making noise?

I wrinkle my brow at him.

Me: Um...well, there are very small children watching a rated-R horror film. That...doesn't concern you at all?

Manager: Well, are they talking?

Me: Well, yes, it's a small child, sitting right in front of me in a horror movie.

Manager: But is he disturbing you?

I get further confused.

Me: He's saying things like, "Mommy, Mommy," and talking. Out loud. Yes, he's disturbing me.

The manager looks at me blankly.

I stare back at him expectantly (story of my life).

Me: Can anything be done about this?

Manager: I'll go in in a few minutes.

Me: Okay, I'm sitting way up in the back, on the right side if you're-

Manager: I'll just look for you, and then the kid will be in front of you.

Now I stare at him blankly.

Me: Okay. Thank you.

I march back inside and inform Tom that we're giving it 10 more minutes.

After about 10 minutes (and I must say, I was enjoying the film, quite a lot), I stay true to my word and leave. (If you wanna know the truth, the crowd wasn't awful; it was the guy next to me that kept talking out loud that really pushed me over the edge.) I inform the girl at the box office that the crowd is "intolerable" and I want my money back, which is given back.

The End.

Even though I was very excited about this film, after sitting through an incredibly irritating 35 minutes of it, I'm a little less excited to go back and sit through that again, but I shall. It was just getting good when we left.


Anonymous said...

We had the exact opposite kind of experience last night. We went to a tiny little theater (out near camp pinnacle) to see IJ4. It was very charming. most of the seats in the theater were office chairs. It was a crowd of old people who got really excited about the movie, and before the show started, a woman came out to introduce the movie and to ask us to support local businesses. Oh, and you can make reservations. Oh and the move was only $5 a ticket. I think we'll go see Young at Heart there. that should get the older folk energized.

-M & A

Anonymous said...

I told you so.



groovecrunch said...

you are ridiculous.

Joey said...

Man, if I hear a pin drop in a movie pulls me right out of the movie. I suffer no fools when going to the movies...but I seem to be some kind of idiot magnet...not sure what that says about me.

I went to see The Happening the other night with the second worst crowd Ive ever seen a movie with. They clearly didn't get it (which it seems the critics didn't either but thats best saved for another conversation) and they were talking through the whole movie.

My #1 worst movie going experience was opening night of The Matrix. I had "explain out loud what I see on the screen" guy to the left of me, who at one point actually said "thats a battery!" when morpheus held up a Duracell. Behind me I had "seat kicker", in front of me I had "big hat guy".

The only time the whole theater got quiet was when this guy in the front....who obviously had his tiny mind completely blown by the movie, stood up and shouted "YO THIS SHIT IS WHACK!" at the screen before storming out.