Tuesday, July 12, 2005

no distance left to run

have you ever had those moments in life that you wish more than anything you could just erase? moments that are humiliating, in the deepest sense of the word, or betray too much of your emotion, or of how unstable you are, or at least feel? or because they're just cruel. a slighted word, an accidental antecdote, a slip of the tongue (or keyboard) that you would give anything to take back?

well, i had one of those moments last week. i regret it more than i've regretted almost anything in my entire life, b/c i deeply wounded someone i love more than anyone, and someone that loves me. a simple apology won't suffice; this wound will take time, like that pimple you should have just left alone. it would have been uncomfortable, and taken some time to heal, and been ugly and embarrassing, but left alone, it would go away on its own accord. but no, you had to go play with it, squeeze it, try to rush the healing process along, and now it's going to leave a scar. and everytime you see that scar you're going to think of that pain, or that hideously ugly and violent struggle.

i love you, J. i hope someday you can forgive me.

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