Proof

i'm watching Gwyneth Paltrow on Letterman. she seems very nice. i like her. they're playing a clip from her new film Proof. collier mentioned the other night that she saw the play a few years ago on Broadway, and didn't remember caring for it too much.

anyway, i have no idea why i'm writing about that. tomorrow i leave for Pittsburgh. i'm excited, but admittedly, a bit nervous. i tried calling Mitchell earlier this evening (the guy from Friendster), but the calls weren't going through, so i sent him an email. i hope i hear from him; i'm excited to meet him, but i guess even if i don't, it will more closely fulfill the mission of this trip, which is to be alone. i plan on using it to light a writing fire underneath me. i started a new journal tonight, separate from this blog, just for myself. i'm feeling a lot better these days; stronger, more able to stand on my own, and that i can really plan for my future as a wholely sole entity. i have some new, fun plans, things i've let lie dormant for years, that are again rearing their demanding heads. we'll see how it all goes. but i feel very hopeful. i guess i'm still very sad and regretful about a lot of things, but that's life. the sooner you realize that most things just probably aren't going to go your way (or at the very least, as you planned them), i think the easier it is to just let go, and let life do with you what it will. which is not to say you can't plan for your future, or manipulate the outcome, but invariably things are going to get skewed and go in unplanned directions. which is the way it should be, i suppose. how boring would life be if everything went exactly as we anticipated and there were no surprises? pretty boring, i would presume.

all right. hopefully i'll get some time to put up a couple of posts while i'm gone, but if i don't, i guess that's also good, because it means i'm having fun, or at least keeping myself occupied.

oh, and i found out yesterday that Pittsburgh does, in fact, have an H&M, about which i am so excited, words can't even do it justice.