Thursday, August 11, 2005

black-eyed

so, my septoplasty is tomorrow (my deviated septum surgery), and i'm so nervous, i'm literally trembling right now, and having trouble typing. i started doing some research on the internet earlier, about recovery and whatnot, and maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

it seems most people are fine, and up and back around within 2 or 3 days, but other people have horrible reactions to it, including vomiting up copious amounts of blood (apparently, you swallow more than a pint of it during the actual procedure!), deeply bruised black eyes that can last for a week or more, and lots and lots of dried up crusty boogers around your nose that keep appearing for about 2 weeks. i'm supposed to have some company to watch over me this weekend, and i'm starting to reconsider. i found several pictures, too, of some woman who went through it and had it all documented, and it wasn't pretty. i guess i just can't be beautiful all the time.

however, judging by what i've been learning in therapy, about letting people see the "ugly, messy" side of myself, maybe that's a good thing. being ugly on the outside as a metaphor for being emotionally vulnerable or something. anyway, it's totally freaking me out, and i'm sure i'll be fine, but me being who i am, i of course keep imagining all the most worst case scenarios playing out, including having the surgery not really take, or having my septum collapse again, and having to have it done a second time, which isn't unheard of. even my surgeon warned me that was a possibility.

but i know it's necessary, and i'll be so happy that i had it done, once i'm over everything. even if it means i can't show my face in public for 3 weeks, and i lose my job b/c i just don't go back b/c i feel so ugly and gross.

oh lord. i'm scared. but i'm sure i'll be fine. i just hope i don't projectile-spray blood and mucous all over kurt's car on the way home!

3 comments:

Kat Candler said...

you're going to be fine angelface. trust me. i'll get your back.
love and kisses.
kat

Mandy said...

You'll be fine. Victor will be there this weekend, and I'll make sure he checks on you. I, on the other hand, will be at work. Puke!

Good luck!!

Anonymous said...

Even if you turn out all ugly and stuff. I might still think you are cute.

-matt