Saturday, August 27, 2005

i could be the vice president!

as it happens, i've found myself perusing the Craigslist ads for "Men Seeking Men" these days, being newly single and all. i can say that in the last 3 months of Singledom, i've only ever hooked up with 1 guy on there. or maybe 2. or maybe 87, i forget. but whatever the number, i actually find myself more fascinated, usually, than actually searching for sex. i will find it forever interesting what turns people on, or what they're looking for, and will occasionally find one that turns me on particularly, or that has a hot picture attached (aka, real-life porn, which is so much more interesting than the manufactured bullshit). and aside from that, trying to recover from a relationship that had really good sex that came from a place of true passion and love, casual sex just no longer has the allure that it once did.

tonight, however, i came across one that especially struck me, as the headline was "i don't think i'll be looking for any HOT COCK TO SUCK TONIGHT." did the person mis-type? what was going on here? i read the ad, and it was basically along the lines of deriding men for just always being on the prowl for casual sex. he said he would like to maybe have a couple of beers first, maybe go on a couple of dates, see a movie, before the HOT COCK-SUCKING began. and then went on to talk about his fondness for breakfast tacos, Dave Foster Wallace, and that he was composed of billions of molecules (was this my ex-boyfriend? no, he isn't, actually, as he was a 24-year-old grad student, neither of which my ex-boyfriend is).

i found him to be cute and kind of clever, and maybe or maybe not hot, so i decided to respond to his ad, by basically saying that in my extensive research, i've come to the conclusion that Curra's has the best breakfast tacos, and that i never finished "Infinite Jest," though i came within 200 pages of finishing it.

i sent the email, not expecting him to respond, and not really wanting him to, either. i was just being flirty. he still hasn't responded. but the point of the story is that when describing my favorite breakfast taco at Curra's, i said i liked mine with bacon, eggs and potatoe. it wasn't until after i sent the email that i realized i put an "e" on the end of potato.

naturally, i was mortified, and even worse than this guy thinking i was cruising Craigslist looking for sleazy hookups (which i was), i couldn't stand the thought of him thinking i couldn't spell. i deliberated for over an hour about whether or not to correct my mistake, which i eventually did, by sending him a second email with the subject line of "oh god...." and the body of the email explaining that i was aware that i accidentally put an "e" on the end of potato.

so now, in addition to this person thinking i'm some sleazy psycho-slut, he thinks i was sitting around waiting on him to email him back, and that i'm probably already stalking him, and that i clearly read my original outgoing email at least a second time. which i only do when the email is really important, like when i'm drunk and emailing my ex-boyfriend a novel-size email detailing all of his faults and why the demise of our relationship was all his fault, or totally inappropriately declaring my love for someone completely inappropriate for me to be in love with in the first place. which could also be my ex-boyfriend, but in this particular case, was not. long story.

so now i'm also totally pathetically lonely. okay, i'm going to go watch more "Six Feet Under" now.

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