Monday, August 08, 2005

i'm happy if you're happy, but it broke our heart

i had a very surreal experience on saturday, and that was meeting my ex-boyfriend's son. he's about 21 months old, and after nearly 3 years of silence, T. and i have started talking again recently, and it's been really really pleasant and nice. difficult, in a lot of ways, b/c i feel like i'm hanging out with a complete stranger sometimes, which, i guess in some ways, i am.

but seeing T. with his son made me really happy, actually. and kind of sad, but in a wistful, nostalgic way. i explained it to a friend earlier by saying that while it's good to see T. so happy and obviously very fulfilled, since the whole time we were together he was so unhappy and lost, it also makes me sad b/c that person that i really knew and loved is more or less dead and gone. which isn't a bad thing, just....sad. but only because of the loss of the familiar. i know that no matter how close he and i might ever get again, i'll never be able to know him the same way, or nearly as intimately, again. which is fine, i'm not yearning for that, it's just weird.

but overall, i had a really great weekend. lots of swimming at Barton Springs and McKinney Falls, a totally racuous and joyous birthday party, where everyone got way too drunk and rowdy. we were knocking over each other's chairs, wrestling in the lawn of the frou-frou bar where we were hanging out, singing Magnetic Fields songs at the top of our lungs. it was lively and boisterous, and possibly one of the most fun birthday parties i've ever attended. everyone was just so fucking happy. no drama, no one was in a bad mood. just there to celebrate. i really needed it. i had breakfast with joe on sunday, which was alternately wonderful and extremely difficult. and my friends kurt and meredith, of course, got engaged. congratulations, guys!!

1 comment:

Mandy said...

Nice don't tell me any of your gossip!!!! I didn't know about T or K&M.

Nice I live in Dallas with virtually no friends.